The road back

Strength

 

After a long period (years) of constant stress and worrying without so much as a break, it finally caught up with me. Depression and anxiety. The evil twins that had been lurking in the shadows for a long time, watching every step I took, every decision I made or didn’t make. I can not say that I am surprised. I knew I had this coming, I just wasn’t expecting it now. Or was I? The past weeks have been emotionally challenging. Well, maybe the past month(s)… I honestly have been a bit confused lately and not so much in touch with time or anything or anyone else really. Things from my past, a past I had learned to live without for so long, finally found their way up to the surface. To begin with, it all looked and seemed to be pretty harmless. I knew I had some stuff coming at me that I would have to answer to and I was prepared. I knew I couldn’t refrain and not do my part in the play. But not everything is as it seems. That is why I am now learning to go easy before I know the whole story. It might all look nice and safe, until it hits you like a thunder on a sunny day. You never know what people are really thinking, even though they say everything is dandy. It was unexpected when it happened and it became the last straw. The straw that broke the camels back and sent me flying down the deepest and darkest pit hole I have ever been to.

Today I can finally say that I am starting to work my way back up. This event has forced me to do some serious soul-searching and ask myself some deep questions about myself and where I stand towards life and the people in my inner circle. And even though the skies are not yet blue, I am starting to see the beginning of a new dawn. It is in times like this when you learn who your true friends are and how strong you really are. I might not have a whole army of support around me, but those I have are there and they are doing their best. Of that I am sure.

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