Taking a leap of faith…

 

evening fly

 

Yesterday, I quit my job. It didn’t happen over night for me to make that decision, but it still happened quite suddenly. For a while (read: a long while) I have been rather stressed out due to many things. Among others, it has been work related. I know there are many stories out there like mine. That I am not unique in any way. But still when you make such a big life changing decision, the reactions you might receive can be and will probably be, very mixed. There will be those who will support you and those who won’t understand… And it will affect you non the less.

So. Why did I do this? Why did I give up this security that a paycheck brings, or is supposed to bring, every month? Well, I did it to save my health. Or at least what’s left of it.

You see, I have ADHD and with that comes a great challenge. It means that no matter how hard you try, things won’t work out the way you want them to. This challenge is something I have to deal with every single day. Some days are easier than others, but at the end of the day, it’s still there. Now some might say that ADHD isn’t a real thing and there are multiple researches and studies on this subject saying different things. Wether it is real or not, there is something different in the ways my brain is wired, and it stops me from being able to handle things in the best way.

For me, to have been able to stay at the same job for instance for almost 2 years, was a great achievement. But with the right help and support from my former boss and colleagues, I managed to push my self and my boundaries for a while. I went many times beyond my limits and I badly wanted to be like “everyone else”. I too wanted the security that money can bring, I wanted to be needed and I wanted to belong.

But with time, and a battery half-full (my energy) never being able to recover from a days work, never being able to re-charge… My energy started to drain, little by little. Sometimes I wanted to quit, but I kept on going and I kept on pushing. No matter how I felt.

Yes, I made good money, yes I suddenly was able to do things and yes finally I got my own home… But meanwhile my body started to react to the stress that also came with all this. Cause once you start living the good life you want more. So you push more. And then some…

Until one day. You won’t notice it straight away, cause it comes sneaking. A cold here and a headache there. Lack of energy, apatite, sleepless nights, mood swing you can not explain and boom, you feel like you just hit a wall. Suddenly from nowhere, at least how you feel it, you sit there feeling completely drained. With no desire to continue the race. Your motivation is out the window and life seems empty. You got burned out.

So what do you do? Well, what I did was to decide to quit the race and try to save myself before it was too late. Thankfully I came to realize that my health is more important than money, fancy restaurants and expensive lifestyle. Not that I was living the La Dolce Vita.

So here I am, standing on the edge to the unknown, well not exactly, I have actually made the jump. I have already taken the leap of faith. I did manage to make things quite good for myself and for that I am very grateful. I am not left with nothing, but I will have to learn to live a simple life again. A life with less demands, less stressful situations, and a life where it is OK to say NO. And I think it will do me good in the long run.

Hopefully I will find my way out of this again. And when I do, I want to do something completely different. You only live once they say. And as I see it, you better make the most of it and dare to follow your heart and your dreams. Sometimes there will be money involved, sometimes not. And so what. As long as I have a roof over my head, clothes on my body and food on my table, I am thankful.

I know this will be a challenge but I feel I can take it and when I am out of this tunnel, I want to follow my dreams.

At some point, we all should.

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